when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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