you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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