According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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