you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
