Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
