i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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