So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
