wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
