My Higher Power is John Stamos
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
