2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
false alarm, still single
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
