I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
