I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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