Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
