dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
