I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
