Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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