were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
accomplished twins. life is a go
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
