Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Drunk is not a location!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
