It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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