remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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