Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
