Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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