Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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