if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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