You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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