Barsexuality is the new black.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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