do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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