In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Let's get the cat blown out
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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