you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
