One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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