Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just want nice things and good sex
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
