Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize