I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize