Do you still have your period?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize