But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
