DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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