Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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