The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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