ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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