Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
