let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
