Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
