Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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