I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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