You really coming over, don't trick.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
