New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize