I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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