Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
