For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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