Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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