After last night, I could never be a politician.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
