what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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