My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
