Acid is not a monday night drug
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize