Can i not drive my cunt home
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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