i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
