Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
