I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
