I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
