I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
