rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
