wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
