Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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