It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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