Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
