Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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