I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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