I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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