I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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