Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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